Respect

Today, I met a friend for dinner. As we talked about stuffs and all, I began to see things on a different angle that I have never thought of. As we talked, I began to realize how true the saying – two sides of a coin – is.

It’s also weird how you can lose respect for someone which you have respected for years easily. Is it because it’s human nature to focus on weaknesses more than strength? Or is it because most people are afraid to be bitten twice?

For me, I think the more you see a person as being near to perfection, the more fragile your trust and respect to that person. Why is that so? Because nobody is perfect. The more you treat a person as perfect, the more fragile your trust and respect is.

What I do realize from our conversation is that it took so much effort and years to build trust and respect but only seconds to destroy them. These two things are so fragile and easily shaken. I guess in the midst of all these, forgiveness comes into the picture. In fragileness, forgiveness is the strength, in shakiness, forgiveness is the foundation. I pray that I will never forget forgiveness….

Imperfectness II

Imperfectness is part of life. Only with the existence of imperfectness, we can appreciate the perfect things in life..

Imperfectness

After a long week of work, the feeling of weakness crawls into my heart once again. It could be due to my tiredness and probably won’t last (I hope), but at the moment the feeling is strong… very strong…

I am feeling weak at this moment. Imperfect as I am, I try to be a good family member, yet there’s so much happening in my family that I am unaware of. Imperfect as I am, I try to be a good friend, yet in many of my friend’s eyes, I fail as a friend. Imperfect as I am, I try to be a good employee, giving my best in all I can, yet I know there are times I disappoint my bosses. Imperfect as I am, I try to be a good Sunday school teacher, hoping to impart some truth into children’s lives, yet I wonder whether I make a difference? Imperfect as I am, I try to support the worship leader, yet I know sometimes they don’t feel they are supported at all. Imperfect as I am, I try learning music and taking up piano lessons, yet after so many years I can’t even play a decent song by myself. In the midst of so much imperfectness, is there even one thing that is perfect about me?

My strength

You are my strength
Strength like no other
Strength like no other
Reaches to me
You are my hope
Hope like no other
Hope like no other
Reaches to me

The above song and lyrics is taken from "You are my strength" by Hillsong. Last Thursday, I asked myself - Am I dying inside slowly like the plant near my window, turning from healthy green to strength-less yellowish?

Hearing this song somehow gives me the strength and hope at the time I need the most. When things seem difficult, when I feel weak and tired, this song reminds me that God is my strength and my hope. He is my strength and my hope like no other, reaches to me.

Green turning yellow

I don’t know why today I feel I’m at my most down moments. The heaviness I have within my heart has started to take control over me again. As I look outside my office window, I see the plant by my window which was once green and healthy started to wither and become yellowish. Am I dying inside slowly like the plant?

Vacation

Tomorrow I’ll be going for a short vacation with my family. I will be away from this small world of Penang for a few days. The last vacation we had was in 2002. It has been 6 years since then. How time flies!

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. I hope I’ll have an enjoyable trip. I hope there are many trips to come.

Through the seasons of my life

Today I’m feeling grateful and contented with all that I have. I can’t stop noticing what a beautiful day today is. Things seem small today. What is big is the gratefulness I felt in my heart today. The earth can move, the moon can fall, the oceans can rise, everyone can faint… I don’t care!

Flashing back on my last birthday… I started off that day in dilemma, uncertain about my future, indecisive of how I should choose. On that day, I have to make an important choice, a choice which will change my life significantly if not totally.

As the day came to an end, I still can’t decide. I drove home crying like I have never cried in a thousand years. Tears kept on flowing down no matter how I tried to hold back. I was frustrated at myself, frustrated of my indecisive way, frustrated at how weak I have become. Yeah, I do cry but only when watching movies. I don’t simply cry. That day, no matter how reluctant I am, I have to admit that I am not as strong as I always thought I am.

As I parked my car, tears in my eyes were starting to slow down. I can’t go up to my house looking the way I was. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. 15 minutes later, I dried my eyes and make my way up to my house. Reaching my house, acting as if nothing happens, I went for a hot shower. I do love it just standing there feeling the hot shower on your face. As the water washed away my tears, it washed away my worries and fear. I have reached a decision.

In the midst of it all, I’m grateful and touched by the concerns showed upon me. I have millions of messages and phone calls by friends showing their concerns, telling me that I was not alone. I realize the whole incident could be a blessing in disguise showing me how blessed I am to have such great and wonderful friends. The day ended with a smile on my face, a contented feeling in my heart that no matter what happens, I will have friends that walk with me through the seasons of my life. What a great birthday I had this year!

Today as I write the above, my focus is on how grateful and contented I am with all that I have. This year, on my birthday, I know for sure that I have all that I can ask for. If ever I were to feel that the world owes me everything, I hope that the message above will open my eyes once again and show me the real meaning of life.

My ladder

Life is like climbing a long ladder which we cannot see the top. We will never know what the end of the ladder holds. As we climb step by step, closer and closer to the end, along the way through the hardship, we learn about what life means to us.

I am climbing step by step to reach the top of my ladder. I can’t wait to see what is at the top of my ladder. *wink wink*

Spider web

The story below was shared with me by a good friend, showing me that whatever is happening in my life, with God, a mere spiders web can become a brick wall of protection.

During World War II, a US marine was separated from his unit on a Pacific island. The fighting had been intense, and in the smoke and the crossfire he had lost touch with his comrades.

Alone in the jungle, he could hear enemy soldiers coming in his direction. Scrambling for cover, he found his way up a high ridge to several small caves in the rock. Quickly he crawled inside one of the caves.

Although safe for the moment, he realized that once the enemy soldiers looking for him swept up the ridge, they would quickly search all the caves and he would be killed.

As he waited, he prayed, Lord, if it be your will, please protect me. Whatever your will though, I love you and trust you. Amen.

After praying, he lay quietly listening to the enemy begin to draw close. He thought, well, I guess the Lord isn't going to help me out of this one.

Then he saw a spider begin to build a web over the front of his cave. As he watched, listening to the enemy searching for him all the while, the spider layered strand after strand of web across the opening of the cave.

Hah, he thought. What I need is a brick wall and what the Lord has sent me is a spider web. God does have a sense of humor.

As the enemy drew closer he watched from the darkness of his hideout and could see them searching one cave after another. As they came to his, he got ready to make his last stand. To his amazement, however, after glancing in the direction of his cave, they moved on.

Suddenly, he realized that with the spider web over the entrance, his cave looked as if no one had entered for quite a while. Lord, forgive me, prayed the young man. I had forgotten that in you a spider's web is stronger than a brick wall.

We all face times of great trouble. When we do, it is so easy to forget the victories that God would work in our lives, sometimes in the most surprising ways.